6 weeks

Today I vomitted for the first time, right after breakfast. All the roti prata telur bawang I ate came right out back 5 minutes later.

Great! Now I can lose weight at least and at least it is assuring me that my hormones are raging in me, which means my pregnancy is going well so far. Alhamdullilah.

I craved for prawns. But I'll just wait till Sat where I can eat good cheap fresh prawns at tioman. Weehoo!

I'm not hungry. Amazing. Just no appetite to eat. Feeling pening2x.

I hope I'll survive the ferry ride this sat.

5 weeks 6 days

The morning sickness have officially begun. Yeay.....

Well at least that'sa good sign, I hope. I know I still am pregnant and baby is still in me.

But now I'm thinking, will I survive this coming Sat from the long ferry ride to tioman. I hope i hope!

There's no actual vomitting, just quesy feeling. The sick feeling in the stomach. It's irritatingly joyful. Like painful pleasure. Get it? No? Nevermind..

My Body is starting to ache again. Another irritating joy I'm trying to get by.

I'm losing my appetite. Cant even finish a bowl of mee rebus this morning. Every bit of smell is making me want to vomit sia.

5 weeks 4 days

Still am...alhamdullilah..

Yesterday however, I noticed my discharge had like a brown strained. I prayed so hard this morning there wont be any more and alhmadullilah, it was just the normal discharge. I told chubby bout it yesterday and he said that I must be extra careful. Ok this time I know he also do want it.

The fatique feeling is almost gone. Not as bad as last week. But I have a hard time falling back to sleep after sending akim at the door in the morning before he go to school.

But I'm feeling more bloated now. This morning the auntie coffee who I hate so much asked me am I pregnant. I told her I dont know. She said she tinks I am. You know lah auntie2x they know how to 'see'.

Not telling ppl is so much easier now. I no longer have that excited burst out feel of wanting to tell ppl I am. All I want now is to safely get thru the first 12 weeks. After that if ppl asked then I say lah.

By then this blog would be public also, insyallah...

If all goes all, the baby would have a heartbeat by this week. Please God, give it life...

5 weeks 1 day

Still am...wahaa! Loves it loves it! Ok you'll have to be as paranoid as I am. At least by the time you read this, I am already after my first trimister everything is goin well so far, insyallah.

Try putting yr self in my shoes then you'll know how ting tong it can get at times k. Especially whenever I go to the toilet and pee and hoping so bad I don see any blood coming out.

Not being able to do things I like, like bowling, but then not being able to tell ppl the truth why. Also not being able to tell ppl why I am putting on so much weight. Havent actually weight myself but I tink its over 65kgs. Waarrggh!!

But I have to eat, else the tummy cramps get worse.

Today I had Hokkien mee and it had to be the most satisfying lunch for this week. I' m happy. But still it feels like it's all gonna come out back anytime soon.

5 weeks

Another survived day...:D

Today is better on the cramps. In fact no more tummy cramps. Hope thats good news.

But maybe the vomitting game has started again. I had a lousy lunch consisting of a tasteless tomato rice and teriyaki chicken. It made me sick till now. Couldnt vomit it out though. Then at lunch just now, suddenly I smelled someting being fried in the kitchen. My sense of smell is getting very sensitive now. No one else can smell it, but me. Nearly made me puke.

I'm feeling more bloated today. But no one asked yet. Just that ppl have been throwing comments at me being a fatty bum bum, which I couldnt care less.

Hey I can eat as much as I can, so why waste it? And I'm always hungry. Bah!

Which reminds me, I have a double cheeseburger in the fridge which I wanted to bring for breakfast this morning. Damn!

4 weeks 6 days

Well, if I'm still typing here means I'm still pregnant.

Argh, the waiting is killing me sia! But everyday, minute & second I am thankful to Him that I still am. Then again, its still very early. Maybe only after I've passed the 9th week, the week I had my last miscarriage, only then I'll be at ease. Or maybe after I see Dr Heng next mth, after seeing the sac and heartbeat, then I'll be at ease?

I'm suppose to be enjoying this but yet I'm worried as hell. This has got to be the most worrying pregnancy I ever experienced.

Btw, the weeks above is calculated based on my LMP. So it could change after I see Dr Heng.

I'm so tired. I can barely open my eyes right now as I'm typing. Hmm amazingly I'm not vomiting after meals. Hope that's a good sign. Coz usually I would. I actually did feel nausea during the conception period. But a week just before i'm suppose to have my period, it stopped.

But the aches on my body. back and leg is killing me.

I wish I can just lay down on my bed right now....ZZZzzzzzzzz

4 weeks 5 days

I tink I'm getting paranoid!

I keep on going to the toilet to check if theres bleeding and each time I go, I prayed so hard there's no blood. I keep getting menstrual cramps. Not so bad, just very mild ones. Discharge are getting thick and not so much. Just slightly more than usual. Just like before I'll get my menses, that kinda discharge.

Is the test accurate? Now I wonder. Skali not pregnant at all. But a false positive is unlikely to happen. Especially when its clear and immediate.

So the waiting game is not really officially over lah kan.

My appointment with Dr Heng is on the 4th Mar only. Thats the only available evening slot. By then I'll be 6 or 7 weeks. Ok Hope I can finally see the sac and prolly a heartbeat *pray hard*

Baby, please stay in mummy's tummy this time ok...

Finally it happened again

I had the miscarriage last Dec.

It was terrible and recalling it hurts.

13 Feb 09 @ 1900 hrs, I did the test with Clearblue. The + sign appeared.

So now, I'm blessed the second time. With the date that I had wished for - 22nd Oct 09.
Well actually I want it to be 6 Oct. But it'll be too early to deliver.

I'm not announcing or getting too excited about it coz the feeling of being so happy then so sad within seconds is so depressing. So I'll wait till I'm after 12 weeks then I'll open this blog again to public. If it happens again, nauzubillah. It'll be kept private...haiz..

The emotions is killing me. I'm so happy but yet so scared to be dissapointed again. Never in my life I tot I would miscarry, but it did.

I did so many things last time to miscarry but didnt. And dis time I took so much care but it did. God have a funny way of giving and taking things but I know watver he decides is for the best.

I really hope nothing bad happens this time since It'll be due on my mak's bday and this will be one of the best gift i can give her. Just to see the smile on her face is an overwhelming feeling.

I'm feeling so fatigue and aching all over. Its terrible. I just wanna sleep please and a foot massage can?

The only ppl who knows now are my hubby of coz, mak & bliszy. Had to tell her coz she left for perth today and I want to tell her personally.

Yesterday my galfrens asked but I managed to stay calm and told them I will tell when the time comes..Jas was pestering me like a lalat today, managed to shoo her off..hehe

Dont tink I can keep it for so long as my tummy if getting bigger. I'm eating well you see.

I've been having discharge and a bit of cramps and everytime I go to the toilet I hoped so badly that I'm not bleeding.

Dear Allah, you have given me a second chance and I am very thankful for that. Please let me keep this one....please...